What’s it all about? That question enters my mind regularly as I dance back and forth across the line between reality and the digital spaces I inhabit like online games. But lately I struggle with the disappointment I feel when my so called IRL self doesn’t match up with my game selves. I feel like I’m not living up to people’s expectations, and in some cases, my own.
It’s been over a year since I started playing as Losira in Final Fantasy XIV. I’m still having a great deal of fun and I’m nearing my goal of completing the current game story content ahead of the Endwalker expansion release in November. And the nightclub scene has just exploded across all data centers in the game. You can literally dance all night, every night across the entire game! I really love it!
I’ve met a lot of interesting people out clubbing, and I’m glad we are having fun together. But then I feel disappointed because the physical me does not match up with the in-game me. The real life girl isn’t the in-game girl by many measures and I don’t want to let people down, or break their hearts.